For the Love of Laundry

Those of you who know me probably also know that I hate laundry.  Oh odious laundry!  How I scorn thee!  I loathe and resent the very mention of your name.  The task is a repugnant grievance to me.  I detest the thought of washing, drying, folding and putting away all those clothes.

See?  I despise it so much that I looked up synonyms on the internet to help me explore my feelings on the subject.

I really can't think of a household task that I dislike more than doing laundry.  Everything else is irritating, sure.  But laundry is and always has been, a thorn in my side.

With all this unpleasant history between laundry and me, I was a bit shocked yesterday when, as I folded and put away a load of clean laundry, I found myself actually enjoying the task.

Well, maybe enjoying the task is a bit of a stretch.  But I was enjoying the quiet of the moment.  Violet was napping, Lucy was playing quietly on my bedroom floor.  And I was putting shirts on hangers, folding pants, and matching socks in the midst of an unusual gentle calm in my house. 

I don't know when this happened; when a previously detestable task became a small haven for me.  But today I read a devotional and this quote popped out at me: "Rest is the fitting of self to its sphere." (John S. Dwight) 

Really?  That's what rest is?  A year ago I don't think I would have agreed.  A year ago I would have said rest is the fitting of self to a desirable sphere, one I've picked out and determined good enough for "resting".

But how many times have I been in a beautiful, wonderful place that by all means should have been a place of comfort and rest to me, and yet my heart was discontent, troubled or irritated?

Have you ever heard the sentiment, contentment is loving what you have?  It's the same principle, but in regards to where you're at.  Contentment--rest--is loving where you're at, loving what you're doing, loving who you're with, regardless of where you are, what you're doing or who you're with. Contentment--rest--is fitting your self to the sphere you find yourself in at the moment. 

This is my sphere.  God has given me work to do.  To stay at home, watchfully train and guide my children, keep my house (notice I didn't say keep my house CLEAN, because I've found that to be impossible), and yes, do the laundry.  These duties are not glamorous.  They're not always fun.  In fact, I'd venture a guess that 7 times out of 10 I find what I have to do on any given day less than favorable.  But the truth is, God has given me a way to find rest in them.  When I do them for Him, to His glory, and for the love of being obedient to Him, these sometimes odious duties transform into precious resting places. 

<<Go in all simplicity; do not be anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter. Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul. Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances. Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow.  God, who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end. Be altogether at rest in the loving holy confidence which you ought to have in His heavenly Providence. -St. Francis de Sale (emphasis mine)>>

8 things I understand better now that I've had another baby

I have so many friends that are having babies recently.  It's a squish extravaganza around here!

I recently had a first time mama over to my house for a few hours the other day.  Her baby is almost two weeks old and such a doll!  It was so nice to sit and talk to her about her first two weeks.  And boy, did she have a ton of questions for me!  I was so honored to be asked for my experience and advice.

I remember my first few months with Violet vividly.  I did not cope well with the adjustment to motherhood.  Lack of sleep and a colicky baby turned me into a depressed, hollow shell of myself.  Goodness I just needed someone to talk to!  Someone to tell me that not feeling exquisite love for my child in the first few months does not mean I'm a terrible mother.  Someone to give me permission to follow my instincts.  Someone to stroke my hair and hold my hand while I cried for absolutely no reason (hormones, ugh!).

After she left I couldn't help but think about all the lessons I've learned now that I'm on my second baby.  Life is way easier now, mainly because I've let go of a lot of my hang-ups and guilt.  Here are a few of the things I've come to understand:

1 >> In many cases your instinct will serve you better than your research.  I am a research person.  I can read a ridiculous amount of articles and books about a topic that interests me.  I think this can be a good trait in a lot ways, since being well-informed has many benefits.  But as Violet grew older I noticed myself becoming overwhelmed with all the competing information I had read.  There are so many opinions on sleeping, eating, disciplining, playing, etc, etc!  And they are all so different!  I don't remember exactly when it happened, but when Violet was about 6 months old I decided that I was going to start trusting myself to make decisions and believe that they were the right ones.  I was going to stop doubting myself at every turn.  I was going to go with my instincts.  I have not looked back from that.  I will always do more research, but I am giving myself permission to throw out what doesn't seem right and keep the good, the Biblical, and the life-affirming.

2 >> Be gentle with yourself.  My sister gave me this piece of advice about losing baby weight, but I've since applied it to just about every parenting conundrum I've come across.  Whenever I'm feeling guilty about something or upset that a plan didn't turn out the way I wanted, I always remind myself to be gentle with myself.  I don't have to have everything figured out.  I don't have to have my life together.  My children and I don't have to be perfect or perfectly happy.  We just have to give each other grace and be gentle with ourselves.

3 >> Allow yourself to make mistakes and to rectify them, without the burden of beating yourself up about them.  This one goes hand in hand with the thought above.  I've made an incredible amount of mistakes since I had my first baby.  The trick to moving forward in love and courage is to apologize for the mistake, determine what I'll do differently next time and move on.  Dwelling on my mistakes always leads to guilt, and feeling guilty has never made me a better mother.

4 >> Daily rhythms are significantly less frustrating than daily schedules. I used to obsess, and I mean OBSESS, over V's sleep schedule when she was very little.  I would get incredibly frustrated, and I'll admit, sometimes very angry, when she didn't go to sleep when I wanted her to.  Over the first year of her life, I slowly learned to let go of the idea that she needed to be on a strict schedule and life has been calmer ever since.  Sometimes V naps at 11am, sometimes at 1pm, it all depends on so many variables (when she wakes up, what we're doing that morning, and what might be happening that night to name a few).  I will always try to make sure she naps, but it doesn't have to be at the same time every day.  What freedom this has brought us!

5 >> This, too, shall pass!  With V, I often felt like the stages she was going through would never end, especially if they were unpleasant.  The gift of hindsight is marvelous.  When Lucy starts a particularly difficult phase of development, I am confident that it will be over soon.  This has given me a lot of peace.

6 >> Every baby is different.  Your first might never sleep.  Your second might sleep through the night at four weeks.   Your first might want you to earn her smiles and coos.  Your second might fill to bursting with joy just because you walked by.  One isn't better than the other, they just are who they are.  And amazingly, there's not a whole lot I can do about that.  Taking advice from people, while helpful, can sometimes do harm because we fail to remember that so-and-so's baby is not going to be like my baby.  I spent a lot of time wondering why V wasn't like my sister's son or my friend's daughter.  Why couldn't she be easier in this way or that way?  I still struggle with this.  I have to stop fighting against her personality, stop trying to mold her into something more desirable to me.  She is who God made her to be, and that is enough.

7 >> You don't have to be a martyr.  Ask for help.  Looking back, I wish I had asked for a lot more help.

8 >> Be open with others about how you're feeling at any given moment.  I think my depression might have lifted a lot earlier if I had been more open with the people around me about how I was feeling. I would usually put on a front of the "happy mother in love with her baby" when I was in public.  But at home and inside I was falling apart.  This time around has been different.  My husband and my mom have had a running dialogue of where I'm at (thank God for them and their willingness to listen!).   Not everyone needs to know the details of my emotional state, of course, but no one can help you out if they don't know you're struggling.  Vulnerability can be hard and scary, but it is necessary and the only way to build a community of friends who are there for you.

If you're a mother of two (or more!) what are some things that you've learned along the way that have made life easier? 

The blockage in my authenticity

It is difficult to be honest and authentic. 

Where are the lines in honesty?  When is it not okay to name names and speak the truth about a relationship you are struggling with? 

The internet and blogosphere is like the windows to a home lit up at night with no curtains drawn.  My mom and I would take walks around our neighborhood at night when I lived at home.  One of my favorite parts of walking in the evening is taking a quick look into these lit up windows.  Where did they put their sofa?  Look how nicely their kitchen is decorated.  Etc, etc.  Creepy?  Sure, but only for the five seconds it takes to walk past the house.  I promise I don't linger any longer than that.... Unless I am in desperate need of decorating advice. 

Just kidding.

Back to the point.  How can I knowingly open the curtains on my life, allowing perhaps perfect strangers a chance to see into my heart and mind, and not cover up the mess, but be genuine?  Because I could very well clean up my front room.  Make everything look lovely and picture-perfect.  One room isn't too difficult to keep clean.  Unless you have toddlers (a.k.a. tornadoes of destruction) and then you're screwed.  On the other hand, I could put all my dirty laundry on display in my front room too.  Every awful mess and hard moment put up for everyone to see. 

I often get frustrated when I read blogs.  While it's wonderful to get a glimpse into someone's life, see their beautiful homes and fantastic children and wonderful meals they cook, it's too easy to take the small representation I'm seeing and apply it to the whole.  Because what blogger in their right mind is going to write about the argument they had with their spouse this morning?  Or the terrible things they're thinking about their in-laws?  Or take pictures of the giant mess the house is after a day of baby-wrangling? 

I find the line between being authentic and putting my best foot forward to be difficult to draw.  Because being authentic is more than just telling the truth and nothing but the truth.  Protection of family and children is important, after all.  But putting my best foot forward can so easily turn into an idyllic front that offers no insight into the reality of my situation. 

What it gets down to is this:  How can I share my thoughts and feelings about my life and not do damage to the people involved?  Because every time I sit down to write something here I feel like such a liar. 

...

When I was in college I had a professor that assigned us two-page essays to write about a topic of our choice.  This turned out to be much more difficult than it sounded, simply because being concise is a skill, and one that I don't practice much, obviously.

It just made me think: maybe the answer is in being concise.  Can I share, but share in such a way that gets to the point without the fluff?  That should be a blogging goal for sure.  Because who wants to read all these long existential rants anyway?

So, to end it all, here are three concise statements that are meant to share exactly how I've been feeling this week.

1 >> I know now just how much comparison steals contentment. (More on this at a later date.  <Sigh> So much for being concise.)

2 >> After four days of extremely early bedtimes and wake-up calls for my husband, I must say I am amazed at the fortitude and courage of single parents.

3 >> I will continue believing that His grace is sufficient for me in the hopes that this will allow me to stop indulging in an extremely petty rivalry.  Good luck to me! 

Truth from the chiropractor's office.

Easter Thankfulness

What a great day this has turned out to be.  And that's saying something because this morning was incredibly difficult. 

Wake up call an hour later than I had hoped, Violet melting down for reasons unknown, yet totally heartbreaking (I think she's cutting molars.  Ouch. Does teething make your house a den of tears too?), no breakfast to be had and a general bad attitude....

Mix it all together and you get grumpy ol' me riding to church while putting on my makeup and thinking about all the things that went wrong.  Which is funny because now that I write them down I keep thinking, "It wasn't that bad."

Easter is supposed to be a celebration, a day of joy and hope.  It's amazing what a bad attitude can do to squelch the celebration. 

Thank goodness for my Sunday school class.  Those women are so encouraging. Following in the same vein of the morning, my mom and I--who usually share teaching responsibilities--had totally miscommunicated about who was teaching today and as a result neither of us were prepared.  So isn't it wonderful that God's plans can't be thwarted even when mine fall apart so easily?  We read in 2 Corinthians and discussed how we are victorious because of Jesus.  I can't believe he lets us ride into his Kingdom on his coattails!  Thinking about heaven, the eventuality of being there worshiping God, and my own inability to have done anything to merit such love and care....I can't describe it well, but my whole mental state shifted. 

So what have I learned?  The cure for a bad attitude is gratitude.  Turns things around pretty quickly.  And it rhymes too, which ain't half bad. 

The Slow Life

I love this picture.  It is an excellent representation of how I've been spending my days lately.  I sit in the living room, more often than not nursing Lucy, while Violet runs circles around us.  There's a quietness and slowness to this time that is remarkable.  It is both peaceful and, at times, excruciatingly boring. The trick is learning not to let the boredom bother me.

Before I had kids, and even after I had Violet, we were usually out and about on the town.  Life was busy, and seemed like it would only get busier.  There was so much to do!  But it didn't feel crazy busy.  I felt rested.  I got full nights of sleep for years at a time!

This season is different, of course.  I don't sleep as long as I used to.  Going to bed and waking up are entirely dependent on my two alarm clocks and their hungry bellies.  My day is structured around their needs, which can mean long periods of doing absolutely nothing.

I've struggled with this, because I don't like to be bored.  I feel I should be doing something--being resourceful.  My house ought to be clean at least, right?  Maybe I should take up some kind of craft or hobby.

Is boredom a good thing or bad?  Probably, like a lot of things, it's neither.  Is it a sign that either I have been too busy and now I can't handle moments of quiet, or that I am not engaged enough and should sit up and pay attention or buy a skein of yarn?  I have no answers to these questions.

Here is Violet after she snatched her Grandma's phone and made a break for it. Why do kids delight in being naughty?  I guess I could supplement that question by asking, why do I delight in being naughty....  It's a twisted heart thing.  Blaine always remarks about kids, "They're so human!"  And it's true.  They're humanity before it has a chance to pretty itself up with makeup, clothes and good intentions.

And here is Lucy taking a micro-nap.  This kid will sleep all night long in her crib with no problems, but as soon as I put her in it during the day she wakes up immediately.  What's up with that?  It's driving me nuts.  I remember obsessing over Violet's sleeping.  It worried me sick and now I'm backlashing against myself and not worrying at all.  If you're tired, my dear Lucy, then sleep.  I wish I knew what I was doing.  But really, after two babies, I'm still just making this up as I go along.  Intentionality is playing a larger role as the days tick past, but it's going to be a long road there.

Because I'm a mess!  Can't deny it. 

Do you think boredom is a gift or a curse?  Tell me what you do when you've got time to spare.  :)

Currently

This blog thing is really working out my thinking muscles.  Not that you could tell by the absolute lack of posts that are being written.  But I assure you, ideas have come into my head, taken life, been fleshed out, and then forgotten quickly as I clear the living room of toys while V follows behind me and dismantles all my fine work in seconds. 

I'm fairly certain I need a system, a rhythm if you will, to getting these ideas and thoughts out of my head and onto a blog post.  Any ideas, tips or tricks of the trade?  I'd be glad to hear them.

Here's a list of what I'm currently doing:

Currently Reading: I just finished reading "Desperate : Hope For the Mom Who Needs to Breathe" by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. It has been absolutely life changing and so encouraging in my journey through motherhood thus far. There are some really incredible morsels of truth, advice, encouragement, and even a few needed rebukes. All SO good! I’m looking for a new book to read, though. Any suggestions? Please comment below and let me know. :)
Currently Listening: Us and Our Daughters. Any LaRue fans out there? Yeah, I mean LaRue from the late 90’s-early 2000’s…. Well, Philip LaRue had a good solo career and I enjoyed his album Let The Road Pave Itself. Now he and his wife are a sweet, folk singing duo and have formed their own band, Us and Our Daughters. I just got their latest album and have been enjoying it. It’s a nice, fresh mix to my normal music repertoire.
Currently Eating: Homemade pancakes. We love pancakes but especially love them for dinner. They are SO EASY to make from scratch, plus healthier and more cost effective. We’ve been liking this recipe lately (I use sunflower oil instead of vegetable oil…. you can’t even taste the difference).
Currently Creating: Happy Birthday banners and streamers! Brandon’s birthday was yesterday and I surprised him with a decorated house for his birthday, along with homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Who doesn’t love a festive home for their birthday alongside a hearty breakfast?! :)
Currently Doing: Researching how to repel mosquitos naturally. The mosquitos have been really bad this rainy season and I have been bit over 400 times. Yes I really did say FOUR-HUNDRED, with scars too prove it. Ugh! Praise Jesus though: I have shown no signs of malaria despite the attack (literally) on my body. SO thankful for His protection!
Currently Dreaming: Landscaping our backyard and putting in a fire pit. There are some really beautiful flowers here in Tanzania. I’m really wanting to line our back lawn with THESE beautiful, tropical flowers to create a more established border between our grass and our shamba (farm). The summers here are gorgeous and our organization has a lot of teams and interns coming from May-August. I really want to create a beautiful space for everyone to enjoy in the cool of the evenings while we play football (soccer), roast marshmallows, and enjoy our new corn hole game (I surprised Brandon with it for his birthday!).
Currently Loving: When I ask Promise who her best friend is. Without skipping a beat she says “Diddy”and “Dodger” (her buddy Gideon and our dog Dodger). Oh my goodness! This girl is as sweet as sugar.
Currently Learning: Ways to meal plan better. One of the stretching things about living in Tanzania is that in order to make good meals for my family, I have to be very intentional about planning. I can’t just run to the store and buy something to throw in the microwave, or something that can just be put in the oven and ready within 20 minutes. It’s a challenge but I’m starting to get used it…sorta. Any ideas or recommendations? I would love to hear them!!
- See more at: http://becomingm.com/#sthash.5JNrkA2S.dpuf

Currently Reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.  I've been 'currently' reading this book for over a year now.  I don't have enough words to describe how profoundly the first few chapters changed my perspective on how I train, disciple and discipline my kids.  To learn how to be a parent who slows down and opens up lines of communication in order to understand the heart tones of her children is quickly becoming my biggest goal. 

Currently Listening Foster the People Supermodel.  Blaine keeps playing this in the car while we're shuttling around and I can never remember who it is and always ask, "Who is this?  I LOVE this!" It's Foster the People.  And I confess my love for them.

Currently Eating Oatmeal has been my breakfast every morning for a week.  I'm usually an eggs and toast kind of girl, but I had a drop in my milk supply when Lucy started sleeping long stretches at night.  Oatmeal has been helping quite a bit, for which I'm thankful. 

Currently Creating My mom and I have hatched an excellent plan to create some flower beds in the front yard of our house.  We planted a tree last weekend, and hopefully soon there will be daylillies, daisies and dusty miller lining the house and looking beautiful.  Our house has looked sad and neglected for a long time.  I'm excited to begin turning it into something warm and inviting.

Currently Doing Walking, walking, walking to the park, park, park.  I see a lot of this in my future.  But thankfully, a college friend of mine recently moved into town and, joy of all joys, she has TWO beautiful children just like me!  We have been spending a lot of time together since she moved and I am so thankful to God for this sweet friendship in my life that came right when I was feeling lonely and in need of community and adult companionship.  We've decided we will walk to the park near my house two to three times a week.  Walking is also my plan to regain some kind of physical fitness in this ol' childbearing body of mine.  Two kids in two years does not do nice things to a body, but I've been feeling particularly motivated to be healthy and in shape for the child raising years and beyond.

Currently Dreaming I get so nervous about being hospitable and having people over to our house.  But there have been several new young couples that have been coming to my church and I've felt this insane push to have them all over.  Even though we have a small house with limited seating, even though our backyard is scary and filled with things that might injure small children, even though I'm not sure I would be able to get my house cleaned up in any way before they came, and even though the thought terrifies me.  But the fact is, God gave us this house as a gift.  And even if it isn't big and beautiful and clean all time, it is still a place to invite others to live life with us and I need to be faithful.  Being faithful is so uncomfortable sometimes.  So this isn't a pleasant dream for me, but I want to invite them all over to share a meal of hot dogs and hamburgers and maybe we'll turn on the sprinklers and let our kids run around (because dear goodness it is HOT here already).

Currently Loving Violet.  I am so in love with this little kid.  I went through post partum depression after her birth, and never felt very bonded to her in her first months.  But staying home has been the perfect cure for that.  She delights me with her wry sense of humor and naughty little cherub face. 

Currently Learning We are so, so broke.  God's call on me to leave work and stay at home with my children has financially been a huge sacrifice for us.  Blaine works hourly, and while the summer pay is good, the winter pay can be dicey.  Last month was a lesson in stretching our dollars and humbly and graciously accepting loving help from our family and friends.

Currently Reading: I just finished reading "Desperate : Hope For the Mom Who Needs to Breathe" by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. It has been absolutely life changing and so encouraging in my journey through motherhood thus far. There are some really incredible morsels of truth, advice, encouragement, and even a few needed rebukes. All SO good! I’m looking for a new book to read, though. Any suggestions? Please comment below and let me know. :)
Currently Listening: Us and Our Daughters. Any LaRue fans out there? Yeah, I mean LaRue from the late 90’s-early 2000’s…. Well, Philip LaRue had a good solo career and I enjoyed his album Let The Road Pave Itself. Now he and his wife are a sweet, folk singing duo and have formed their own band, Us and Our Daughters. I just got their latest album and have been enjoying it. It’s a nice, fresh mix to my normal music repertoire.
Currently Eating: Homemade pancakes. We love pancakes but especially love them for dinner. They are SO EASY to make from scratch, plus healthier and more cost effective. We’ve been liking this recipe lately (I use sunflower oil instead of vegetable oil…. you can’t even taste the difference).
Currently Creating: Happy Birthday banners and streamers! Brandon’s birthday was yesterday and I surprised him with a decorated house for his birthday, along with homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Who doesn’t love a festive home for their birthday alongside a hearty breakfast?! :)
Currently Doing: Researching how to repel mosquitos naturally. The mosquitos have been really bad this rainy season and I have been bit over 400 times. Yes I really did say FOUR-HUNDRED, with scars too prove it. Ugh! Praise Jesus though: I have shown no signs of malaria despite the attack (literally) on my body. SO thankful for His protection!
Currently Dreaming: Landscaping our backyard and putting in a fire pit. There are some really beautiful flowers here in Tanzania. I’m really wanting to line our back lawn with THESE beautiful, tropical flowers to create a more established border between our grass and our shamba (farm). The summers here are gorgeous and our organization has a lot of teams and interns coming from May-August. I really want to create a beautiful space for everyone to enjoy in the cool of the evenings while we play football (soccer), roast marshmallows, and enjoy our new corn hole game (I surprised Brandon with it for his birthday!).
Currently Loving: When I ask Promise who her best friend is. Without skipping a beat she says “Diddy”and “Dodger” (her buddy Gideon and our dog Dodger). Oh my goodness! This girl is as sweet as sugar.
Currently Learning: Ways to meal plan better. One of the stretching things about living in Tanzania is that in order to make good meals for my family, I have to be very intentional about planning. I can’t just run to the store and buy something to throw in the microwave, or something that can just be put in the oven and ready within 20 minutes. It’s a challenge but I’m starting to get used it…sorta. Any ideas or recommendations? I would love to hear them!!
- See more at: http://becomingm.com/#sthash.5JNrkA2S.dpuf

Currently Reading: I just finished reading "Desperate : Hope For the Mom Who Needs to Breathe" by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. It has been absolutely life changing and so encouraging in my journey through motherhood thus far. There are some really incredible morsels of truth, advice, encouragement, and even a few needed rebukes. All SO good! I’m looking for a new book to read, though. Any suggestions? Please comment below and let me know. :)
Currently Listening: Us and Our Daughters. Any LaRue fans out there? Yeah, I mean LaRue from the late 90’s-early 2000’s…. Well, Philip LaRue had a good solo career and I enjoyed his album Let The Road Pave Itself. Now he and his wife are a sweet, folk singing duo and have formed their own band, Us and Our Daughters. I just got their latest album and have been enjoying it. It’s a nice, fresh mix to my normal music repertoire.
Currently Eating: Homemade pancakes. We love pancakes but especially love them for dinner. They are SO EASY to make from scratch, plus healthier and more cost effective. We’ve been liking this recipe lately (I use sunflower oil instead of vegetable oil…. you can’t even taste the difference).
Currently Creating: Happy Birthday banners and streamers! Brandon’s birthday was yesterday and I surprised him with a decorated house for his birthday, along with homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Who doesn’t love a festive home for their birthday alongside a hearty breakfast?! :)
Currently Doing: Researching how to repel mosquitos naturally. The mosquitos have been really bad this rainy season and I have been bit over 400 times. Yes I really did say FOUR-HUNDRED, with scars too prove it. Ugh! Praise Jesus though: I have shown no signs of malaria despite the attack (literally) on my body. SO thankful for His protection!
Currently Dreaming: Landscaping our backyard and putting in a fire pit. There are some really beautiful flowers here in Tanzania. I’m really wanting to line our back lawn with THESE beautiful, tropical flowers to create a more established border between our grass and our shamba (farm). The summers here are gorgeous and our organization has a lot of teams and interns coming from May-August. I really want to create a beautiful space for everyone to enjoy in the cool of the evenings while we play football (soccer), roast marshmallows, and enjoy our new corn hole game (I surprised Brandon with it for his birthday!).
Currently Loving: When I ask Promise who her best friend is. Without skipping a beat she says “Diddy”and “Dodger” (her buddy Gideon and our dog Dodger). Oh my goodness! This girl is as sweet as sugar.
Currently Learning: Ways to meal plan better. One of the stretching things about living in Tanzania is that in order to make good meals for my family, I have to be very intentional about planning. I can’t just run to the store and buy something to throw in the microwave, or something that can just be put in the oven and ready within 20 minutes. It’s a challenge but I’m starting to get used it…sorta. Any ideas or recommendations? I would love to hear them!!
- See more at: http://becomingm.com/#sthash.5JNrkA2S.dpuf

Faith in the Face of Unanswered Promises

"Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping--believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, 'That's how many descendents you will have!'  And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead--and so was Sarah's womb.

"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger and in this he brought glory to God.  He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.  And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous."  --Genesis 4:18-22

I've thought before about this kind of faith.  Each time I think about it, I get this feeling of fear deep in the pit of my stomach.  It's not terror, but more a kind of "Biblical" fear.  Awe, amazement, longing to be similar. 

I remember listening to a sermon at church.  The pastor briefly mentioned Abraham and Sarah waiting so long to receive the promised son.  The waiting Abraham did.  The unwavering faith he held onto while he waited.  The strength of his belief as the years passed by, one by one, promising only decay and death. 

I am struck by this because I see in myself and in the Christians around me a distinct lack of patience for God's timing and God's ability to work miracles.  I assume this has a lot to do with our culture, which prides itself on instantaneous results and knowledge; rewarding little work, time and effort with big dividends.  I will speak for myself and not others: I get really impatient when things take too long.  And by take too long I usually mean, hmmm, a day.  Maybe a week.  Possible a month if I'm really trying hard to be disciplined and patient.  But in all seriousness, I know I've given up on many prayers because they weren't answered soon enough. 

There's a common Christian slogan about prayer that goes like this: God answers every prayer one of the three ways: yes, no, and wait. 

It's a truth boiled down to be soft enough for an infant, but it's still hard to swallow no matter how much I grow in Christ.  Sometimes the answer is WAIT.  Wait.  Wait like Abraham and Sarah; never wavering, never weakening.  Have faith that grows stronger with time, not weaker. 

That's the part that blows me away.  As the years when by and Abraham got older and Sarah got older and continued to be barren, he didn't look to God and say, "It hasn't happened yet God, so I'm done with this whole 'faith' thing.  See you later."  His faith grew stronger.  He believed more and more in God's promise.

I am so impatient in God's promises.  I don't take to waiting well.  I fuss and fidget and throw tantrums, acting like my one-year-old when she has to wait a minute for me to fill her sippy cup.  It's coming.  It will be there soon.  Just wait.

And what does this say about my prayers?  If I don't have enough faith to be fully convinced that God will hear my prayers, answer them, and that his timing in all this will be just right, what good is praying anyway? 

My baby is awake from her nap.  But I'll be thinking about this today.  Thinking about how I can have unwavering faith that grows stronger over time, even if my prayers have not yet been answered.  Thank God for the Holy Spirit.